My plan for this post is to type whatever comes to mind as it comes.
I’m 27 now and I can honestly say that I went into this year of age the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. I credit God because only through Him can I find my true identity and I’m on the path now. This may sound a little cliche’, but being naturally curly haired (3 years relaxer/perm free!) has boosted my confidence because it’s 100% me. God gave it to me and I don’t hide it. I don’t want to. I wear it out wild and free. The bigger the better. I don’t try to change the texture, no texturizer or chemicals. I can’t even remember the last time I used gel to slick down my thick edges.
I don’t care about peoples negative opinions of me. I don’t even acknowledge the negativity if there is any. I’m very honest with people. I encourage people. I’m in such a positive, spiritual place. My relationship with God is okay, I’m still growing. I read scriptures and pray often. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say I’m content where I am spiritually. I can always go higher, learn more, do more, be better.
I seek God first to be better in everything, every role and title I have currently: woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, designer, blogger. It’s also important for me to listen to my husband in order to be a better wife. I get parenting advice from my parents. My husband and parents have my best interest at heart and they know me better than anyone else.
I have great kids, a great husband, great family. I get along great with my in-laws. They’ve been wonderful since the beginning. I don’t know why God chose to bless me like this, but I’m so glad He did. I’m still working on not taking my blessings for granted. I know I can sometimes and I can’t stand the feeling of defeat. I’m thankful that God gives me another day to right my wrongs. I’m grateful that I have a heart that wants to please God and He hasn’t given up on me.
I didn’t have grandparents I was close to growing up and it’s a wonderful blessing that my children have six magnificent grandparents to look up to who love them and have been available, helping my husband and me since day one. I couldn’t ask for better biological and non-biological parents. I don’t even like to call my step-mother a “step” parent. We’re too close.
Looking around, thinking, as I type… I’m looking at my home. It’s a mess because we were home all weekend (rare). But it’s nice. My husband and I bought this home with the same look it had when it was built in the 60’s and we’ve done a lot to bring it up-to-date. I promise I’ll clean up after I’m finished typing this.
Our (my husband and I) finances are blessed even though we don’t make bookoo bucks. We have everything we NEED. We have no credit cards. We pay cash or debit for everything. This year makes year three of my husband and I being homeowners and year two of me being a full-time stay at home mother. As of this year, I’m go-to lady for the graphics at my church! It’s wonderful. People have asked me to do some side jobs, making event invitations.
We have a nice family car. Very nice. And for a GREAT deal. It’s a plus to have a family member who works at a nice car dealership. I didn’t want a van at first. I almost cried when my husband suggested us getting a van during my pregnancy with my youngest, but I fell in like with it as soon as I saw it. Three built-in tv screens?! Enough said.
Overall, looking back from how I used to be all the way back to high school… I was a hot mess. I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be. I was kind of a follower with a certain crowd of people. Lost two of my most best friends because of my own foolishness. Missed out on some great opportunities because I was trying to keep tabs on and stay close with my daughter’s biological father. I can laugh about it all now because I’ve come so far from all that!
I made some mistakes. I have a few regrets. Those mistakes and regrets make me even more grateful for how far I’ve come along and where I am today. I’ve learned so much in these past 10 years. I want to mention a few things specifically:
1. I am faithful to God by loving others, including my enemies. That’s big for me because when my husband makes me angry I don’t want to do loving things for him. I don’t want to cook him dinner. I don’t want to be “submissive”, I want to retaliate. But I also don’t want my prayers hindered and I want to set a great example for my kids… and my husband who is not a “believer”.
2. Loyalty. I used to be a Judas. I was not loyal to God. I was tossed to and fro. I was not loyal to a few of my loved ones, a few friends. I learned how to be loyal through Christ’s example. By seeing how He loves us, even as he continues to be betrayed by sinners daily, believers and non-believers. He died for us. He still gives us grace and mercy. He gives us more chances than we deserve. That’s loyal, true love, and faithfulness. He knows we depend on him, He is our friend, our savior, and he never has and never will let us down.
3. I learned how to truly be happy for people. I went through a time when I gave my life to Christ during my pregnancy with my daughter at 20-years-old and I was depressed because my daughter’s dad moved away and I didn’t want to go so we were done. I was struggling financially, living with my mom, and it seemed like everybody around me, all my friends were doing so much better than me! Some were in college, some had parents buying them what they wanted. I was jealous on the inside, but faked happiness on the outside. Honestly, it took the mentality, “fake it ’til you make it”, for me to begin to be truly be happy for my peers who appeared to be doing better than I was. I couldn’t find any good reason why I shouldn’t be happy for them. Now, I’m at a point in my life where I want all my loved ones to do well in life, have joy, and overall KNOW CHRIST. BE BETTER. SUCCEED.